The BIG Crush

Just this afternoon as I was surfing, I read a very touching love story that made me teared. The sad part of the story was that the guy did not manage to let the girl know that he really loved her before she passed away. Lesson learnt: You should let someone know how you feel for him/her when you can. I really understand this, but the point is it's really very hard to tell someone how you feel in real life. Maybe it's that as hard if you already know the person, for example, your boyfriend or your mother. But it's not the case for a crush.

It all started last semester when I started to study for exams in the library. Most of the time I studied alone. I remembered the first time I noticed him because of his shirt. It says "180 degrees". I interpreted that as "I'm a straight guy." Haha. Don't really know if that's what it was supposed to be. Subsequently, I started to look out for him in the library everyday. Slowly, I had to see him everyday. I think he did not notice me at all, I'm just a normal nerd in the library, nothing attractive. Coincidentally, he happens to be two of my lecture-mates' eyecandy also. From them, I learnt that he was one year our senior and yes, he was in Engineering too. They said they noticed him while studying in the library also in year one and they frequently saw him in the Engineering canteen during lunch time. Darn, I don't like to eat lunch in the Engineering canteen and I did not purposely eat at Engineering canteen for the sake of bumping into him. When I finished my last paper last semester, me and Jiayun purposely went back to library to try to look for our individual crush. Haha, so silly, but he was not there.

At the start of this semester, I very much wanted to see him again. I can clearly remember all the encounters I had with him. There was once when I wanted to go co-op to buy textbook and I saw him walking down the slope on the other side of the road. He didn't see me. Another incident was during a break of a boring seminar, I walked out of the lecture theatre and saw him with his group of friends. I didn't think he recognised me. Then once when I was waiting for bus at the Arts canteen stop with Rohting, I saw two familiar figures jogging past me, for a moment, I thought these people must be from KR training for IHG, then suddenly it came to me that they were actually his clique, so I quickly turned around and then he was running towards me. I bet I was staring at him the whole time! The thing is he saw me! I'm definite with that. He looked at me! After that encounter I was on cloud nine. Haha. Seriously, I've never been so infatuated with a guy before. The other encounter was at a bazaar, he saw me when I was trying to show my friends my eyecandy. Haha. The last one was when I was at co-op with Jiayun, I was at the stationery section while JY was choosing paper, then I naturally looked up when someone walked by and there he was! At that moment, I flustered and didn't know what to do, so I quickly picked something up and looked.

The last three encounters were really unforgettable, so I decided to search for him on Friendster. I didn't know his name. The only clues I have were his age(I guessed he was around 23) and school(NUS). There were 700+ results and so I slowly looked through every one of them. As I was halfway through and about to give up, tadah~, I FOUND HIM! Can you imagined how happy I was?? After that, I became fanatic and bookmarked him and logged on everyday just to see him. From Friendster, I knew how many siblings he got, what he likes, how he is like as a person from his testimonials. I became a stalker. Sigh, I didn't like what I was doing but i couldn't control it.

There was a period of time when I very much wanted to see him in person, as in bump into him, but the more I wanted to see him, the harder I get to see him. On the other hand, all of other friends managed to spot him on other parts of the campus. I thought to myself, "Not fated". Hence I could only wait for reading week to start and hope to see him again in the library. For the first few days I went to the same level 3 to study but he wasn't there. I guessed that he must be studying somewhere else. So, one day after dinner when I went back to library with Peiyi, I told her, "Let's go to level 6", and I never regret my decision. I saw him there but he didn't see me. From then onwards, me and PY will go to level 6 religiously to study. Haha. Besides, I've found out that level 6 is where all the babes and hunks would congregate. It was fun studying there because there's a lot to bitch about and this is the first time in NUS, I study with PY. Anyway, it was towards the later part of studying that me and my eyecandy were studying in the same section. In the end, he and his friends always sit one row behind and two tables away from me. *Sidetracked, I noticed that he never uses the lift.* At first, he did not walk past my side but subsequently, he did. I was really happy and I thought I caught him looking at me also. When exams started, I observed him so much that I knew when he had his papers. When he had finished 4 papers, there was one afternoon that I thought he was going for his fifth paper. So I got a bit upset that I could not see him anymore and I didn't expect him to come back. Who knows after lunch he came back and walked past my side and he totally caught me unprepared and I bet I looked damn stunned when I saw him. And I really was stunned, so stunned that I thought my heart skipped a beat. The very last close encounter was on 2 May. As usual, me and PY were studying in the library. Then it was lunch time but I knew that he and his friends had already gone for lunch but they were not back. I was expecting to bump into him on our way to Macdonald's. Who knows when we were left another short flight of steps, I saw him walking from the side. It was difficult to act nonchalant but after that, I was very contented.

I know all the while, it was very obvious that I kept looking at him but it didn't matter. I really wanted to know him as a friend and at that time, PY kept encouraging to take the first step. But I'm really am afraid to take initiative. There are too many uncertainties, besides the fact that I'm a conservative thinking person, even if I don't appear so. If I have the chance, there would be a lot of questions that I wanted to ask. I wanted to know if he felt something for me, because there are times that I thought I got some hints from him. If he felt something for me, why aren't him taking action? During this long holiday, I hope I can bump into him again, somewhere, somehow. If not, I guess I would have to wait until the next reading week then I can see him again. Another thing I would like to find out is that I noticed that somebody has been checking my Friendster profile everyday and I wondered whoever he/she is. Maybe, a secret admirer? Hehe.